You're Not The Only Reason
by Primrose Masen Weasley
Summary: When a young girl commits suicide she leaves letters for those she has left behind, and she knows everyone secrets...
1. Dear Aline: Ripping Me Apart

Hey guys, a new series I am starting. I know I already have a story but obviously this just came to me, like all ,my stories. There will be updates on my other stories too!

Tell me what ya think!

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Dear Aline,

Living with my mother and father was all I ever wanted. Then everything changed.

They put me in public school because they couldn't afford my tutors anymore. Valentine started getting drunk all the time, and my mother blamed me when she got pregnant. She had little Seraphine, who looked just like Jonathan. White hair and beautiful. Then the bullying started. Why do you hate me so much, Aline? Did I do something? Because you make me feel like I did.

I get this big gaping hole in my chest, that slowly tears me apart and makes me sick. It makes my mind feel depressed and my emotions play up.

But I can't stop it.

It's always there, ripping me up into tiny pieces and slowly sowing me back together, just to do it again. Sometimes the pain goes away long enough for me to feel again; to smile again.

They don't know. Nobody knows. I don't tell people. Why would I? They'd say I was an attention seeker and that I was just pathetic. So I'll sit there and smile through the tears I feel coming on, and laugh when I want to curl into a ball and die.

School doesn't work for me anymore. Because you all taunt me and make fun of my hair, or me eyes. I do so love those names you call me. Those names are the highlight of my days. "Ugly." "Loud." "Annoying." "Giant."

When you say those things, I feel worthless, like nobody wants me. Sometimes I wish that I won't wake up. That I'll die and I wont have to hear what you say. Sometimes, I feel so much pain from the things you do, I physically harm myself, and those cuts are my reminder, reminding me there's more to come, that you won't stop hurting me until I snap.

I don't blame you. I know what they do to you. How they say it's your fault they're marriage didn't work, and how you lost everything from your virtue to your dignity. You lost your virginity to your Father. So you carry on hurting me. I don't get crap at home.

Oh wait, I do. My mother doesn't love me and favour her other, prettier daughters. Sometimes I feel like the ugly Cinderella, who doesn't get her prince in the end. But you do that, you break me, because, after all, "I deserve to be punished."

Don't feel so bad.  
You're not the only reason I'm dead.


	2. Dear Alec: Locker Combo's and Abuse

Alec walked into the Lightwood house, quietly dropping his car keys on the counter. He just come back from the hospital, trying to get Jace to come home. He walked to the kitchen and grabbed an orange from the fruit bowl. He was about to head out to his room when a white envelope caught his eye. Curious, he back-tracked and grabbed the letter from the counter.  
Alec. It said, in cursive yet scruffy writing, it looked water damaged and slightly bent. He took it to his room, not knowing when Robert would be home.  
He hurriedly locked his door and opened the small letter. It read;

Dear Alec,

It seems weird, writing to a person I've talked to all of four times.

I don't blame you.

You can stop feeling guilty, I know you were. I'm writing to you, not just to calm you, but to tell you, I honestly don't blame you. Not one little bit. It wasn't your fault, so tell that to your brother as well.

Alec, the boy with the midnight hair and blue eyes, the guy nearly all the girls pined for...

If only they knew.

But, I'm telling everyone a part of the story, so you can either work it out together, or stay alone and never know why I did this.

It was, I don't know, January? You should remember this... I was standing by my blue, battered locker, and couldn't get the lock to open.

_ "Need some help?" Asked a boy with big blue eyes quietly, and I stared at you with my green eyes, contemplating whether you were asking because you meant it, or if I said yes, you'd burst out laughing and go high five Jace._  
_ "Sure." I answered timidly. You gestured for me to move and I did, you asked for the combination - 14-7-8 - and opened the locker. You had smiled kindly at me and I thanked you. You then walked of to were ever you were going_.

Now, your a smart boy Alec. But I've decided that I'll give a clue to the person closest to you, to help. If you get stuck, all you need to do is ask.

Alec, things get better... I just laughed at my own humour.

They never get better. But please, please, don't do what I did. I chose a cowards way out, because I was to afraid to face my own demons.

If he carries on, if your father carries on hitting you, tell Magnus. Just because your gay doesn't mean you "Deserve to be punished."

Clary, who's hoping you will confine in Magnus, and is hoping for death, which is surely coming. 

Alec dropped the letter and grabbed his phone.  
"Who's this?" Said an English tinged voice.  
"Magnus, it's Alec. Did you get one."  
"What?"  
"Did you get one?"  
"No Alec, I didn't 'get one'."  
"Mag's, I just got a letter from Clarrisa, Clarrisa Fray."


	3. Dear Magnus: Magic

**Hi, giuys. I don't remember if I've left notes on here previously but I wanted to say:**

**Thanks for reading.**

**Your reviews for not just this story, but every story I've wrote, mean the world to me, so thanks a toodle.**

I'm sorry they're such short chapters!

**I do like this story, and was wondering who's letter shall I reveal next, There are Jace's letter, Jonathon's letter,Sebastian's letter, Isabelle's letter, Luke's letter and Jocelyn's letter, who's do you want?**

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Magnus looked around his apartment, looking, searching, but coming up empty. He let out a sigh of frustration, and a little gray ball ran towards him and started mewing wildly.  
"Sometimes, I think you love me for my cat food." Magnus said to the little ball. Chairman Meow just meowed and purred, and Magnus headed toward the kitchen in search for a different item: the cat food bowl.  
After searching for a while he found it. The bowl was sat on the Chairman's cat bed. Magnus bent down, lifted the bowl and gasped. He dropped the bowl and retrieved the item of his fascination and horror.

The letter.

It was in a little purple envelope with glitter writing, "Magnus" Scrawled delicately across of it. Magnus quickly teared open the letter, before reading the contents.

Dear Magnus,

Your not to blame.  
Alec has letter number 2. You possess letter 3. I will not tell you the owner of letter one, for that person would have to do it their selves.  
I realise how you love Alec, with a burning intensity, and I can't express how happy I am. That you have found someone.  
So please, tell him about her, how she couldn't look at you, from shame of her actions, and how she hung herself in your family barn. Tell Alec about your father, and how he tried to drown you from grief and something extra terrestrial happened. Really Magnus, I see how he loves you, it's true, it's real, tell him before you lose him.  
You may or may not have read the letter I sent Alec but hopefully he's told you some information.

I just finished swimming in the lake with my brother. Well, you could say swimming, or you could say, narrowly escaped being drowned to death. He had held me down and I had struggled under the freezing water. I swung and hooked his jaw, effectively stunning him so I could,swim to safety. But he was fast, and pulsed my ankles back and called me a string of horrible names, repeatedly hitting me in the face with the back of his hand, I was fourteen then. He would have done more, but feared my fathers reaction.  
He then left me there, crying and bleeding, in the middle of the family lake. I swam with all the energy I could muster, and trecked up the sandy land, collapsing from exhaustion, and let pain overtake my everything as I sobbed into the wet ground.

Magnus, you need Alec. Like I needed Jace. You and I both know Jace and I were not meant to be... But you and Alec, your sweet, your kisses in the rain and midnight picnics.  
Remind Alec of the combination to my locker, he needs it.

Clary, who is hoping you will tell Alec of your fire.

Magnus stared at the paper, astounded, appalled, amazed. She knew he was a warlock, she knew about his father, his mother. She knew. How did she know? He pulled out his cell and dialed Alec's number.

"Alec?" Said Magnus through his phone.  
"Yeah?"  
"I got it, I got the letter."


	4. Dear Isabelle: Raped and Shaking

Dear mother of God! I'm so sorry, this is Isabelles letter, which actually comes before Jace's letter. Sorry guys

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Isabelle sat on the floor, shaking vigorously and crying. She looked at the letter on the floor in front of her. It was pink and pretty. She couldn't stand it. She hated it.  
She was such a monster. Horrible and uncaring. She had hated Clarrisa fray for no reason at all. And the girl... She'd done this, this little peace offering. And it wasn't like Iz had a choice. She couldn't say no.

Dear Isabelle,

It's been awhile since I remembered what you did. I realise it wasn't your fault, and that it was his fault too. I hope your happy, and that Simon's happy, and that maybe one day, when your in love, you'll do what I didn't. Have kids. Get married.

You probably wondering why I would kill myself. I was just so sick of never being beautiful enough, never being stronger or better. I was so sick of going home everyday, and wishing I was someone else. For once I would have liked to look in the mirror and be happy with what I saw. I was so sick of everyone telling me I could 'do so much better than that'. I couldn't. Maybe I never could. And the people talking behind my back, yeah well, I found out. I was sick of people bringing me down and telling me I'm not good enough... But I guess, all I really wanted was to be more than second best.

Jace left me because I wasn't a slut, didn't he?

Izzy, I hope you know, you weren't the reason. You never were. You made me feel inferior and low and depressed, but we all have demons. I'm sorry about what happened. That he took everything.

I can't believe why someone like you would feel so insecure. Your beautiful, Isabelle. Perhaps a heartbreaker. But Simon and you are perfect. And if it doesn't work out, he'll have been lucky to have gone out with you, to see the world through your eyes, to feel what you feel.

Sebastian was an evil person. You're not the only one he hurt. You're not the only one who lost it to him. You know, I've still not forgotten what he said. Have you?

I hope that you learn to trust your brothers, they only want to protect you. But maybe you should try harder to protect them.

Clary, who deserves to be punished.

"Jace!" She screamed in a shaky voice. Isabelle felt like she was going to have an emotional breakdown. "Jace! Alec!" She heard soft footsteps speeding towards her room as Jace threw the door open. He looked at her crying form and quickly scooped her up from the floor. He put her on the bed softly and kneeled in front of her cautiously just as Alec appeared in the door, slightly out of breath from running. Alec looked at her for a minute, as if speculating something.  
"You got one, didn't you?" He asked finally. Izzy started sobbing harder and Alec quietly sat down and hugged her tight, rubbing her back. Cooeing her and shushing her rocking form.  
"What's this?" Jace asked. He was crouched down on the floor, his shirt riding up his back a little, and he had Clary's letter in his hand. Looking at Izzy with raised eye brows. Isabelle couldn't summon the will to tell him not read it. He read it, his face taking on all different emotions. Hopelessness, sadness and anger: Extreme ferocious anger.  
"What did he do?" Jace said firmly, his expression dark. "Tell me he didn't Izzy, and I won't go break his neck." After a couple seconds of silence, he riled up. "Isabelle Lightwood! Why didn't you tell us?" He was furious.  
Magnus took in the scene from the doorway and sighed sadly, already knowing the secret. He didn't tell the male Lightwood's what had happened. Isabelle hadn't told him. He had guessed when she winced and flinched whenever her brothers touched her. Even accidentally.

Alec looked up at Magnus despairingly. His mouth shaped words.  
_We need to talk._  
Magnus smiled timidly.  
_I know_.


	5. Dear Jace: Midnight Picnics

I know everyone thought I should do Jace's last, but I have done stuff in the background of each letter and this just made sense. Here's the next chapter. Dear Jace. (Or maybe, 'midnight picnics'.) Who's letter shall be next?

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Jace picked up the letter with nimble fingers, and to his pure horror, spotted blood on the envelope. He didn't know what to think. Clary had said on how Sebastian had raped herself and Isabelle. He'd heard Magnus and Alec talking, quite solemnly, about the situation. Magnus had come up to Jace and smiled sadly.  
"Clary told me to tell you, something about midnight picnics, she also told me to remind Alec of her locker combination, 14-7-8, does that mean anything?" I shook my head in confusion. Little confusion of course, because nothing could get rid of the numbness.

Dear Jace,

I hate you. So much.  
I loved you once too. But that wasn't my fault, the end of us. The end of my love for you. No sir, that was all you. But the hardest part of it all, of realising you don't love me, didn't love me, was that you spent so much time pretending you did.

Remember what Simon asked, after you carelessly dumped me? He asked me if I was 'okay'. I said I was fine. I was okay. When really all I wanted to do was scream. Scream at you, for being a jerk. For destroying me. And I wanted to scream at Simon. I wanted to scream horrible things.

There were so many answers I could have given him.  
_"How are you?" Asked Simon._  
_Dying inside. Angry. Sad. Cold. Tearing up. Cutting. Broken. Lonely. Upset. Depressed. Hurt. Suicidal. Hateful. Breaking down. Screaming. Dead. Empty. Nothing. Crying. Shouting. Wearing a mask. Horrible. Down. Hollow. Worthless. Misunderstood. Incapable. Inferior. Vulnerable. Distressed. Lost. Pathetic. Ashamed. Bitter. Forced. Uneasy. Tense. Dominated. Pessimistic. Distrustful. Tearful. Crushed. Offended. Aching. Wronged. Shaky. Timid. Wearing. victimized. Tortured. Pained. Lifeless. Dull. Nervous. Scared. Suspicious. Alienated. Numb. Bruised. Stressed. I really have no fucking idea, so stop asking._  
"I'm fine."

I don't know why I wasn't good enough for you. You'll be glad to know, you're the reason I started cutting. It was so many reasons and people actually. You just unleashed it all. My pent up frustration and feelings.  
I don't recommend self harm. It was the 5-10 minutes of pain, then going to bed, and your arms were stinging, but you couldn't do anything about it. Then waking up and showering, and feeling the pain all over again... That isn't a very detailed description for cutting, let's try again:

Go to the beach. Walk a bit into the water blindfolded. Keep going deeper, never knowing where you're going. You just know you're going deeper. That's the build up to cutting. You don't know where your going. Depression has blinded you: you just know you're going deeper. Now just keep going until your drowning. You want air, you want relief, you don't want to be drowning anymore. Now imagine the relief when someone pulls you out. That's what cutting is. That relief. Relief from all the pain you've drowned in. Relief from not feeling good enough. Relief from the bullying at school. Relief from feeling like your fat. Relief from your imperfections and insecurities. You might find cutting disgusting and you may never understand it. But when you're drowning, you need saving. You need relief. So what's cutting like?

Relief.

Nobody ever questioned why I wore long sleeves in gym. Or why I was always cold. Or why I never ate anything.  
"I'm tired." I'm depressed.  
"I'll be fine tomorrow." Tommorow will be worse.  
"I already ate." I'm starving myself.  
I told lies everyday, and I couldn't stop. It was so hard to answer the question, "What's wrong?", when nothing was right.

But you're Jace Wayland. You're perfect.  
Oh wait, you're not. You've been molested. Like me. You've been trained as a mafia boss. Well, only half. Because your father was killed in front of your eyes. Then you were kidnapped, forced to be a sex slave. You ran away and felt guilty for the rest of your life because you didn't rescue her; Little Maureen. Its okay, Maureen killed herself.

I'm sure I'll see her in hell.

That however, gave you no right to think you were it. You're nowhere near as kind-hearted and good as Alec. You'll never live up to him. You'll never live up to Isabelle. You're not strong. Your not powerful. You're a little boy whose selfish, cowardly, spiteful and a horrible creäture.

I'm surprised you're even human. You'll probably take pleasure in knowing yours was the last letter.

I hope you realise how much you hurt me some day,  
Clary.

Jace's walls came crashing down, he started hyperventilating and tears started escaping his golden eyes. He started gasping for air and suffocation slowly started taking over. The blackness started dotting in his eyes, slowing taking his sight and...  
He fell.


End file.
